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No worries, I’m not planning to die anytime soon. But I’ve just read a lot of books about the subject, and here’s what I’ve got so far:

 

    1)      First, face the facts, we are all going to die some day.

    2)      And, if we have an immortal soul, then dying is probably the most important moment of our life, the time we should be going back home.

    3)      For the most people, dying is very easy. Suddenly, all the pain goes away, you start feeling all peaceful and calm and then you are going up in the light. You will just let go of everything, and everything will be forgiven.

    4)      IF you are not feeling peaceful and you’re not going up in the light, don’t worry, you’re still not going to Hell. Actually, there’s no such place as Hell, it’s just a state of mind kind of thing.

    5)      The place between Earth and Heaven is called the Astral dimension. If there’s too much heavy stuff on your spirit, you might get stuck there for a while when you die.

    6)      Astral dimension is like a place reflecting things in your own mind, so if your mind is pure, it’s just pure white light etc, but if you’re too scared, it can be a scary place.

    7)      If you start hearing negative voices there,  don’t reply to them, they are NOT real creatures, just images reflected by your own fears and other negative thoughts and feelings. You might even hear a voice saying you are now going to Hell, but don’t believe it, those scary voices always just try to lie to you.

    8)      If you believe in God, angels etc. it’s not a bad idea to ask them for help. Also, if you feel like you’ve really done something wrong, just apologize. Remember, there’s no such thing as unforgivable sin, just something like unforgivable attitude. As long as you can honestly say “I’m sorry”, you haven’t gone too far to be lost.

    9)      Besides unreal voices lying to you, you might even feel someone touching you, or you might feel pain, but don’t believe too much in that either. It’s also reflections of your own fears, just more physical ones. (Yes, even the spiritual body can have “physical” feelings.)

    10)   No matter what happens, your soul is always safe and unharmed. It’s just too high up there to be damaged by anything down here. But still, if you hear voices asking you to give them  your soul, always say NO. Or don’t say anything at all.

    11)   Honestly, I don’t know how long is it possible to be stuck between the worlds, but I think time flows differently there, so it might feel shorter/longer then it really is. But it never lasts forever. That’s just impossible. Finally, you will be able to go forwards and find peace for your spirit.

    12)   No matter what happens and no matter how bad you might feel, remember that you’re never alone. There’s always somebody watching over you and trying to help you go the right way. Just try to clear your mind, forget about fear and guilt, and trust in everything good you believe in.  Remember, even your own soul is trying to show you the way home.

 

Have a safe journey and a blessed afterlife.

 

~Rananieida

 

Yhdestoista luku
Sodan lapset



Kuin sumuisessa unessa näin oman käteni kurkottavan kohti sinisen usvan takaista häilyvää valoa.
Hiljaa minun tietoisuuteni kohosi kohti valoisaa pintaa ylös tajuttomuuden synkistä syvyyksistä…
…Kunnes rikoin pinnan ja valo täytti taas maailmani.

Ja valon mukana tulivat muistot, niin tuskallisina että heti ne kohdattuani kaipasin jo takaisin unohduksen armolliseen syliin.

”Arid…” minä mutisin itsekseni jo ennen kuin uskalsin avata silmäni.
Valo tuntui liian kirkkaalta. Se sattui.

”Hyvä että olet lopultakin taas hereillä”, Charonin aina rauhallinen ääni vastasi minulle. ”Äläkä hätäile, Arid on ihan kunnossa… tai no ainakin enimmäkseen.”

Vai enimmäkseen… minä ajattelin.
Se ei minusta välttämättä ollut ihan tarpeeksi.

Käännyin kyljelleni suojaten kasvojani kattolamppujen hohteelta ennen kuin edes yritin avata silmäni. Tämä näytti olevan melko pieni harmaa huone. Vain kaksi kapeaa sänkyä ja oletettavasti vessaksi tarkoitettu syvennys muovipönttöineen.
Minä makasin toisella vuoteista, ja Charon istui toisella minua vastapäätä. Ja Arid taas… no hän näytti istuvan minun sänkyni puoleisessa nurkassa kuin mahdollisimman kaukana ovesta… tai Charonista.

”Arid hei, oletko OK?” minä kysyin häneltä mutta en saanut vastausta. Hän vain jatkoi nurkassa piileskelemistä, pää painettuna polviin ja kädet kiedottuna jalkojensa ympärille. Hän ei edes liikahtanut merkiksi siitä että olisi edes kuullut kysymyksen.

”Mikä häntä oikein vaivaa?” käännyin huolestuneena kysymään Charonilta. ”Kuinka kauan hän on ollut tuollainen?”
”Aina siitä asti kun meidät tuotiin tänne”, hän vastasi. ”Ja tämä on siis paikallisten itsepuolustusjoukkojen lähin tukikohta, tarkemmin määritellen sellaisen pidätysselli.”
”No jotain sellaista minä vähän arvelinkin…” sanoin yrittäen nousta istualleni. Kehoni ei oikein tuntunut olevan yhteistyöhaluisella tuulella tällä hetkellä. Liikkuminen oli tavallista jäykempää ja pääni tuntui yhä olevan täynnä synkän sinistä sumua. Mietin hetken mitähän ainetta ne olivat tainnutusneuloihinsa laittaneet. Minulle se myrkky ei tainnut sopia sitten yhtään.

”Miksi sinäkin olet täällä?” kysyin Charonilta. ”Sinun paperisihan olivat kai ihan kunnossa etkä yrittänyt minkäänlaista vastarintaa kuten me kaksi.”
”Joo… ne henkilöllisyyspaperit olivat kyllä ihan kunnossa…” Charon aloitti hymyillen hieman vinosti. ”Mutta ikävä kyllä ne päättivätkin tarkastaa myös viattoman pikku pakettiautoni ja jostakin syystä sieltä sattui löytymään peräti viisi laitonta ampuma-asetta joiden paperit eivät olleet vähäänkään kunnossa.”
Minä vain tuijotin häntä hetken osaamatta sanoa mitään.
”No?” hän ihmetteli sitten toista kulmakarvaansa kuin hämmästyneenä kohottaen. ”Johan sinä kertaalleen näit että minulla on ase, ja et kai sinä vaan luullut että minun bisnekseni olisivat ihan laillisia muutenkaan?”
En osannut sanoa siihenkään mitään viisasta, nyökkäsin vain. Kipeät silmäni protestoivat edelleen kattolamppujen kirkkautta vastaan.

Sitten käännyin katsomaan taas Aridia. Hän näytti yhä täysin liikkumattomalta, ja itseensä käpertyneeltä kuin hän olisi halunnut vain kadota nurkan varjoihin.
Kutsuin häntä jälleen nimeltä, enkä taaskaan saanut vastausta.

”Mitä luulet?” sanoin kääntyen taas Charonin puoleen. ”Miksi hän on nyt yhtäkkiä tuollainen?”
”En ole varma”, Charon vastasi kohauttaen hartioitaan, selkeää myötätuntoa äänessään. ”Mutta ehkä hän nyt häpeää sitä millainen hän on.”
Mietin sitä hetken. Sitä mitä hän tuolla tarkoitti. Paljonko hän jo tiesi? Mitä kaikkea oli tapahtunut sillä välin kun olin ollut hukkuneena oman mieleni syvyyksiin?

”Kertoivatko he sinulle että hän on…?” aloitin epävarmana ja päätin sitten muotoilla kysymykseni uudelleen. ”Mitä ne sotilaat kertoivat sinulle hänestä?”
”Eivät mitään kovin järkyttävää”, hän vastasi tavallisesti hymyillen. ”Tosin minua nyt ei olekaan helppo järkyttää millään. Mutta lähinnä he vain kertoivat että hänet on etsintäkuulutettu, ja että hän ei ole ihminen. Loput olen sitten aika pitkälle osannut päätellä itse. Mutta aina siitä lähtien kun hän heräsi, hän ei ole puhunut minulle tai kenellekään mitään.”

Ja jotenkin, yhtäkkiä, minä ymmärsin… Tai ainakin luulin ymmärtäväni.
Arid oli ystävystynyt Charonin kanssa tuossa pienen leikkisän pojan hahmossaan… hän oli sanonut minulle ettei halunnut Charonin tietävän mikä hän oikeasti oli… ja lopulta kuitenkin päätynyt tilanteeseen jossa hänen ystävälleen oli paljastunut ettei tuo mukava nuori poika ollut kuin yksi valepuku muiden joukossa.
Kyllä, niin kai sen täytyi olla. Arid häpesi itseään, todellista olemustaan.

Aloin vähitellen ymmärtää miksi avaruuden urbaanilegendoissa oli niin paljon huhukertomuksia petollisista muodonmuuttajista. Saadakseen ystävän tuon pelätyn rodun edustaja ei usein juuri voinut muuta kuin valita ystävystymiseen sopivan hahmon, jatkaa sen käyttämistä, ja pelätä jatkuvasti oman todellisen olemuksensa paljastumista.
Mutta miksi sitten Arid ei ollut vaikuttanut tuntevan häpeää sen jälkeen kun minä olin ensi kertaa nähnyt hänet toisessa hahmossa?
…No, ehkä siksi että oman henkensä pelastajaa ei ollut sopivaa inhota siksi että hän sattuikin olemaan vaaralliseksi luokiteltua muukalaisrotua.
Ja toisaalta, olinhan minä syrjitty muukalainen itsekin.

Olin juuri aikeissa yrittää puhutella taas Aridia kertoakseni etten uskonut Charonin ajattelevan hänestä pahaa vaikka hän oli mitä oli, kun yllättäen sellin ovi aukesi hiljaa sivuun liukuen. Sisään astui viisi aiemmin näkemiemme kaltaista sotilasta, mutta tällä kertaa ilman kypäriään. Yksi heistä, vaatteista ja asenteesta päätellen jokin komentajan kaltainen, oli pitkä punahiuksinen nainen, jonka ankaran näköiset kasvot olivat iholtaan erikoiset, melkein kuin suomumaisten kudosten peitossa. Hän olisi ehkä muuten ollut yleiskosmisten kriteerien mukaan kaunis, mutta se suomuisuus teki hänestä vähän liian epäinhimillisen ja pelottavan.
Neljästä muusta sotilaasta vain yksi oli selvästi kasvoiltaan ihminen, kun taas kolme muuta olivat muukalaisrotuisia. Heidän joukossaan oli myös se melko ystävällisen näköinen nainen joka oli ensimmäisenä paljastanut meille kasvonsa. Hain häneen katsekontaktia, kuin pyytääkseni apua, mutta turhaan.

Punatukkainen komentaja määräsi kaksi sotilasta poimimaan Aridin ylös nurkastaan, ja toiset kaksi vahtimaan minua. Hänen olemuksensa oli niin käskevä että minä ja Charon nousimme molemmat ylös jo ihan käskemättäkin, kuin olettaen ettei tuollaisen henkilön läsnä ollessa sopinut istuskella ilman erityistä lupaa. Ne kaksi minun luokseni määrättyä sotilasta eivät tehneet mitään, onneksi eivät edes koskeneet, mutta seisoivat silti vierelläni sen oloisina ettei minun kannattanut yrittää mitään typerää.
Mutta minä en välittänyt heistä. Minun huomioni oli keskittynyt Aridiin.

Punahiuksinen suomunainen tuli seisomaan Aridin eteen kahden sotilaan pidellessä häntä välissään. Aluksi hän vain odotti että poika jotenkin osoittaisi huomanneensa hänet, mutta Arid vain tuijotteli poissaolevana lattiaan.
”Katso minuun!” komentaja käski sitten, nostaen Aridin päätä hiuksista ylöspäin.
Arid katsoi. Kasvoillaan suunnilleen yhtä kiinnostunut ilme kuin vasta haudastaan herätetyllä muumiolla.
”En tunne sinua”, hän mutisi sitten ravistellen käden irti hiuksistaan. ”Mene pois ja jätä minut rauhaan.”
Jokin punahiuksisessa naisessa muuttui, ja minulla kesti hetken ymmärtää että se oli nousevaa vihaa. Suomukuviot hänen kasvoillaan alkoivat hitaasti hohtaa kirkkaan punertavina.
”Razec Enderialainen!” hän huudahti sitten. ”Lakkaa leikkimästä ja tule esiin!”
Arid ei tehnyt yhtään mitään. Hän vain päätti tuijotella taas kohti lattiaa.
Ja silloin tuo nainen löi häntä vasten kasvoja.

Olin vähällä vaistomaisesti mennä väliin, mutta vartijani pysäyttivät minut.
Muukalaiskomentaja löi aidosti hämmästyneen näköistä Aridia toisenkin kerran, lujempaa.
Se näytti todella kauhealta vaikka tiesikin ettei tuo poika oikeasti ollut lapsi.

”Ei lapsia saa lyödä”, Arid totesi sitten vakavana veren valuessa hänen nenästään.
”Lakkaa esittämästä lasta!” komentajanainen vain vastasi ja löi häntä uudelleen.

Ja aina niin kauan kunnes lopulta jokin Aridin olemuksessa näytti menevän rikki…

Kirjaimellisesti. Hetken hänen kasvonpiirteensä alkoivat liikkua kuin elävä muovailuvaha, väri hänen hiuksissaan katosi vaaleina aaltoina ja hänen kehonsa kutistui entisestään.
Älä satuta minua enää!” huusi hyvin pelokkaan näköinen kalpea pikkutyttö jonka hiukset ja silmät olivat yhtä värittömät kuin hänen ihonsakin. Kyyneleet valuivat hänen silmistään ja sekoittuivat vereen.
Komentajaan tämä ei näyttänyt tekevän suurtakaan vaikutusta. Sen sijaan hän tarttui taas edessään olevaa avutonta lasta tiukasti hiuksista kiinni.
”Satutan niin kauan kunnes saan puhua sen kanssa teistä kuin haluan”, hän sanoi uhkaavalla äänellä ja tukisti tyttöä rajusti. ”Niin että käske Razecin tulla esiin tai rikon nätit pikku kasvosi vieläkin pahemmin.”

Tyttö ei vastannut siihen mitään, hän ei luultavasti pystynyt. Hän vain nyyhkytti ja yritti turhaan rimpuilla vapaaksi satuttajiensa käsistä.
”Lopeta se, senkin hirviö!” minä kuulin oman vihaisen ääneni huutavan mutta kukaan ei tuntunut välittävän siitä. Minua vartioivat sotilaat vain pitelivät minua entistäkin lujemmin kiinni.

Sitten kalpea tyttö alkoi huutaa, suoraa huutoa täynnä alkukantaista pelkoa ja pakokauhua… Jonkun sellaisen pelkoa joka oli jo eläessään kokenut ja nähnyt niin paljon väkivaltaa ja julmuutta ettei hän yksinkertaisesti kestänyt enää enempää.
Ja sitten hänen kasvonsa alkoivat muuttua. Huuto loppui, pelko katosi. Nuoren tytön piirteet alkoivat vaihtua aikuisempiin ja miespuolisiin. Värittömät hiukset kasvoivat mustina suortuvina hänen kasvojensa ympärille kehon venyessä suurempiin mittoihin.

”Morjensta Zenny, Razecin tutut rauhalliset kasvot lopulta sanoivat vangitsijalleen. ”Älä satuta minun sisäistä lastani. Se ei ole nätisti tehty.”
Punatukkainen nainen tuijotti miestä hetken. Hänen kasvojensa suomukuvioiden väri näytti hitaasti vaihtuvan taas kirkkaanpunaisesta tummanruskeaan.
”Sinulle minä olen ylikomentaja Zenras”, hän sanoi sitten päästäen kätensä irti vankinsa hiuksista. ”Ja minun oma sisäinen lapseni kuoli sodassa jo vuosikymmeniä sitten, tosin tapettuaan sitä ennen kolme vihollista heidän omilla aseillaan.”
”No minä se en ainakaan ollut niin että älä minua siitä syytä”, Razec vastasi ”Mitä sinun lohikäärmeellesi muuten kuuluu?”
”Se on gryam eikä lohikäärme, ja sinä tiedät sen”, nainen vastasi nyt kylmän rauhallisella äänellä, aivan kuin äskeinen suuttumus olisikin ehkä ollut vain tarkkaan harkittua näytelmää. ”Ja jos olisimme vielä Mizamissa niin minä syöttäisin sinut sille. Pieni pala kerrallaan.”
”Vai niin…” Razec vastasi kuin he olisivat vain jutelleet mukavia vanhojen hyvien aikojen muistoksi. ”Olen kyllä kuullut luotettavista lähteistä että maistun hyvin pahalle. Et muuten usko kuinka kauan kestää kasvattaa kokonainen käsivarsi takaisin. Eikä se näytäkään kovin kauniilta.”
”Lopeta jo turha höpöttäminen!” ylikomentaja käski ankaraan sävyyn. ”Razec Enderialainen, sinua syytetään lukuisista sotarikoksista, petturuudesta, armeijasta karkaamisesta, lukemattomista kulkuneuvovarkauksista, ainakin kolmesta murhasta tällä planeetalla ja todistetusti viidestä muissa maailmoissa. Myönnätkö nämä syytökset?”
Razec näytti syvällisen mietteliäältä hetkisen. Aivan kuin hän olisi keskustellut päänsä sisällä asiasta niiden muiden persooniensa kanssa.
”Kyllähän tuo aika lailla oikealta kuulostaa…” hän myönsi sitten. ”Mutta melkoinen nippu parkkisakkoja siitä vielä puuttuu…”

Keskustelun taso ei siitä enää paljoa parantunut. Läimäytettyään Razecia pari kertaa ylikomentaja Zenras käski alaisiaan viemään hänet jonnekin muualle, ja minua vartioineet sotilaat päästivät myös irti ja menivät menojaan sanomatta sanaakaan.

Kesti kiusallisen hiljaisen hetken ennen kuin uskalsin kääntää katseeni sulkeutuneesta ovesta kohti Charonia.
Mutta kuten hän oli jo sanonut, häntä ei ihan helpolla järkytetty.

”Mielenkiintoista…” hän vain totesi mietteliäänä hieman surumielisesti hymyillen. ”Ja minä kun luulin että minulla oli epätavallisen vaikea lapsuus… No, joillakin se näyttäisi jatkuvan edelleen…”

Osaamatta puhua hänen kanssaan mitään, minä istuin alas, keho kirkuen vihaa luvattoman kosketuksen jäljiltä, mieli yhä sumuisena kuin sateinen yö, äsken tässä huoneessa tapahtuneen väkivallan kaiut korvissani kummitellen.

Olin juuri oppinut että pahinta väkivallassa ei ollut sen uhriksi joutuminen, eikä edes se polttava tunne kun maailman julmuus muutti sinut itsesi väkivallan aseeksi…
Vaan pahinta oli joutua avuttomana katsomaan kun jotakuta josta välitit satutettiin, voimatta itse auttaa mitenkään.


______________________________________________________________________________


Jatkuu…



Arid: Kuinka me kaikki 8 henkeä mahduttiin yhtä aikaa samaan pieneen selliin?
Charon: Aika ahtaasti luulisin…
Rana: Ei se nyt ihan niiiiin pieni selli ollut.
Sininen Lapsi 11
Huomasinpas tässä juuri että minun hahmoillani on paha taipumus joutua syystä tai toisesta vankilaan...


Hahmot (c) Ihan mie itte
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Like the title says, The Night of Arts (Taiteiden yö) was here in Finland in my hometown yesterday.

First, I almost forgot the whole thing, but then I went to the library and noticed that, oh this is open until late at night because of the event. And so, I ended up talking with the local live-roleplayers who were talking about their hobby to random people who were passing buy.
They were some really nice people. (I'll have to write that because some of them might be reading this... oh, just kidding, they were really really nice. ^^)

Besides roleplaying, the library was showing documents about Tove Jansson, the famous painter who created the Moomins. (Is that how you write it in english? In Finnish its just muumit.)

Also there was live music, which I love so much. :heart:

~Rananieida
Chapter 14
Shared Pain



Once again me and Itachi were lurking in a tree close to the Konoha village.
(No, Kisame wasn’t with us. He had a flu.)

Our mission was to catch the jinchuuriki of the Nine-tails, called Naruto Uzumaki.
For some reason I felt like Itachi wasn’t taking this mission enough seriously…

“So… what’s the plan?” I asked him.
“Patience”, he simply answered and then he didn’t seem to be planning to do or say anything else.

Well, my patience last for about an hour of doing nothing…
And then I was too pissed off to wait any longer.

“I’m getting down”, I told him. “And I’m going closer to the village.”
“Okay”, he just said. “But that can be dangerous. I’m coming with you.”

So, we both got down from our lurking tree. And I was happy Itachi was coming with me, after all things hadn’t gone so fine the last time I had been walking around here on my own.

“That one-eye-sharingan-guy I had a fight with the first time we were here”, I finally asked him. “Who was he?”
“Kakashi Hatake”, he said so fast it seemed like he really knew him. “He is a famous jounin ninja, and a very talented one. You don’t need to feel shame for not being able to beat him.”
“Okay…” I replied, still feeling annoyed about not beating him. “So is he like half-Uchiha or something?”
“No”, Itachi told me. “He got his eye as a gift from a dying Uchiha-boy. I’ve never heard of something like that before. But he has learned to use his eye very well.”
So, even a guy who was not a real Uchiha was able to use the sharingan… or maybe not just anyone, but only a talented ninja like that Kakashi.

“Besides you, your brother and him…” I then asked. “Are there any other sharingan users left in this world?”
Itachi was silent for a moment, as if not knowing what to say at first.
“Not that I would know”, he then said, and suddenly I was sure he was lying.

That ticked me off. After all we had been through together, he was suddenly a mysterious silent guy with all his secrets, and that made me feel like wanting to beat him up with a chair again.
But not for long. After that confrontation with my inner dark side, it had been easier for me to control my feelings of anger.
And I guess I had to thank Itachi for that, so I couldn’t be angry to him for long.

But then I felt something with my sixth sense…
And it wasn’t a human mind.

“There’s a dog coming this way”, I told Itachi. “And not just any dog but a trained one.”
“How close?” he asked me when we stopped walking.
“Too close”, I said to him. “I think it can soon smell us, so we should get out of here, and fast.”
“Are you sure?” Itachi asked. “I don’t like running for nothing.”

But I didn’t need to answer to that, because we soon heard the sound of barking.
“I told you”, I sighed. “And now I can sense many ninja minds too. Let’s run.”

Itachi didn’t say anything to that. He just started running away with me.

…Until another bunch of ninjas with their dog blocked our way.

We stopped, turning to look each other in the eyes.
Looks like we can’t avoid a fight, Itachi seemed to be saying to me.
No problem, I can handle this, I nodded back to him.

And yes, we could both handle the fight very well, because our opponents were being careless enough to look us in the eyes.
It was all over in less than a few minutes.

“Don’t worry”, Itachi said to me after the last opponent was down. “I didn’t hurt them more then I had to.”
That made me feel a bit uneasy about myself, because I had hurt my victims maybe more then I had to.
But I really didn’t want them to be able to get up anymore.

Then we both had to run like crazy again, because those dogs were still around, and neither of us was a bad guy enough to be able to hurt an animal.

“They weren’t just walking around…” I told Itachi when we were finally safe and quite out of breath. “They were looking for us Akatsuki guys… and especially you, Itachi.”
“Why me?” he asked, still trying to calm his breath.
“I don’t know”, I replied. “But I don’t think they’re planning to wish you a happy birthday. Not that I could ever imagine you being caught alive…”

My talking was interrupted because suddenly Itachi started to cough.
And I didn’t need to ask was he okay, because I could see he wasn’t.

I went standing close to him so he could lean on me, and he did.
And when he finally stopped coughing, there was blood in his hand.

“Does it hurt?” I asked, being so worried about him that I didn’t know what to say.
“I’ll be alright…” he just said in a quiet voice.
“No, you’re not alright”, I told him. “I can see your physical energy, remember?”
“Okay…” he then said. “Using my sharingan made me tired… and that running was a bit too much. But I just need to rest.”

Again, I didn’t know what to say…
“Well, let’s look at the bright side”, I finally tried to cheer him up. “At least this day can’t get any worse than this.”

And as if to prove me wrong, it started to rain.


It took a too long time before we arrived in a small village where it was safe to stay. And even though it wasn’t a big place, there was a quite fine inn for travelers.
First, they were trying to put us in a one-big-bed room, thinking we were a couple… (Which didn’t bother me so much.)
But then Itachi made it clear we wanted to have separate beds. (I was a little disappointed.)

The first thing we did in our room was to take off our wet Akatsuki cloaks.
But I was sure just resting wasn’t enough for Itachi, so I wanted to try healing him again.

“And take away that wet shirt too”, I told him when he was already lying in his bed.
“Can I at least keep my pants on?” he asked me after doing what I had said. “They are not so wet I think.”
“Okay”, I said feeling a bit jealous because I couldn’t just take my wet shirt off myself. “But let’s put this blanket on your legs to keep them warm.”
And when I was wrapping his legs in a blanket, I saw a rare smile on his lips.
“Something funny?” I asked him.
“No…” he said, looking at me quite gently with his normal black eyes. “I just started to feel like you’re acting like you were my mother.”
“Oh really?” I responded with a slight surprise, coming to sit next to him. “Was your mother a nice person?”
Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. Sometimes I just seem to forget what he had done to his clan.
It just didn’t feel so real to me anymore.

“Yes, she was a nice mother”, Itachi replied, closing his eyes. He looked really tired. “Beautiful and gentle. She took a good care of me and my brother… especially if we were sick.”
Once again I felt like asking him why he had killed his mother and all the others…
But I couldn’t. Besides, he wouldn’t tell that to me anyway.

So I didn’t say anything. I just started healing his body. His skin felt unusually hot.
…Not that he isn’t always a hot guy, but now he was hot literally, as if he had a fever.
And the damage in his lungs didn’t look good at all…

“What about your mother?” he suddenly asked then, opening his eyes again. “I’ve had an impression that she was very important to you.”
Well… yes, she was. Not that she was always so nice to me.

“My mother was… a very strong person”, I finally told him, trying not to look in his eyes. “People both respected her and feared her. She made me feel scared too sometimes… but she also made me feel proud of our family… and she made me feel safe. As if nobody could hurt me because I had such a strong mother.”
The more I tell about her, the more easily the words come out.
“She had a quite tough job though…” I go on. “And she wasn’t always home so much. But she taught me a lot of things. And always when I learned new things, she said she was proud of me. I wanted to be just like my mother when I grew up.”
“What happened then?” Itachi asked, already guessing there was a sad end in this story.
I had to gather my feelings before I can answer to that one.

“Well… after my father was killed, she started to change…” I finally said with a sigh. “First she went and had her revenge on those who had killed him. And then she started to become more and more distant every day. Until one day… she just disappeared.” The memory of that day was still a very painful thing to remember. I took a deep breath and went on. “Nobody knew where she had gone. Some people said she had went to kill herself… others just said she had gone crazy. But anyway, I still don’t know what happened to her… or if she is even still alive.”

Itachi had listened my story carefully, and now when I dared to look at him, there was a rare feeling of compassion in his eyes.

“I’m sorry you lost your mother”, he then said. “She sounded like an interesting person. And I’m sorry about your father too.”
I don’t know what to say. There’s just too much feelings in my heart right now.
So I’ll just concentrate in healing him again.

Not that I can stop thinking too much of the past anymore.
So… we had both lost our parents in a tragic way…

Well… in Itachi’s case he had killed them himself, but I don’t think that made it any less tragic.
The silence goes on, hiding our dark feelings… until I feel like I just have to say something to clear the mood.

“So… have you ever thought about having your own family?” I ask him on a sudden whim, not meaning to say he should think about having a family with me.
“Yes”, Itachi says. “I once did… but I guess it wasn’t meant to be.”
Suddenly I feel like I don’t want to ask about what happened.
My feelings are tragic enough already.

“Well, maybe it’s still not too late?” I try my best to comfort him.
He doesn’t say anything. He just looks me with his cute black eyes… with a hint of all that sadness hiding behind them.
And suddenly I don’t need to hear what he is thinking about.

“No”, I tell him sharply. “You are not going to say you don’t have enough time. I am NOT going to let you die anytime too soon, understand? I’ll keep healing you again and again, no matter what. And if that isn’t enough, I’ll learn a new technique to make you feel better.”
“Rachie…” he says to me. “That hurts.”

And yes, he is right. My energy just turned into that more sharp one.
I take my hands away from him, trying to calm down.

He doesn’t say anything. He just smiles to me a little. I wish he would smile more often.
That soft little smile melts my heart.

“If I would start a family…” he then says. “You would be the first one on the list.”
And probably the only one, I guess. But still, it was a kind thing to say.

“Thank you”, I reply to him, smiling too. “You’re the first one on my list too. Besides, other good looking guys seem to be too scared of me.”
“I can understand that”, Itachi adds. “But you should smile more often, you have a beautiful smile.”

And now I feel like I’m blushing… yes, that was a very gentle thing to say… but it was a bit too much for me so suddenly.
Now I feel like I can’t calm my heart at all.
Also I feel like I can’t stop smiling.

I turn away from him to hide my expression, trying to think serious thoughts again.
It doesn’t work. Suddenly my head is full of thoughts about living together with Itachi…
And how our family life would be.

…I think our kids would be quite scary-eyed genjutsu users.
Not that I’ve ever so much wanted to have kids…
It’s just too much trouble.

“Are you okay?” Itachi asks me.  
“Yes… I’m alright”, I tell him, forcing that stupid happy smile away from my face.
Tough girls aren’t supposed to be smiling like crazy I think.
Unless it’s an evil smile of course.

“Oh, I almost forgot to ask about your father…” I decide to say just to change the subject, turning to look at Itachi again. “What kind of a person he was?”
“Well… he was quite supportive but strict”, Itachi told me. “He wanted me to be best in everything. And when I finally failed his expectations, he became cold and distant towards me.”
I almost feel like saying he has become a quite cold and distant silent guy himself…
Also I feel like asking did his father also have face-lines…

But instead, I start thinking about my own father.

“My father seemed very distant too sometimes”, I start with my own story. “But I think it was just because he had so much heavy stuff on his mind. But when he wasn’t too serious or too busy, he was being a quite funny guy and he played games with us… although I was often jealous because he gave more attention to my stupid brother then to me. But still I loved him, and I was very shocked when he was killed.”
“Do you know who killed him?” Itachi asked me then.
“Well… I’m not sure. They didn’t tell much to us kids”, I reply to him. “But I think it might have been the ninjas of his old village. My father wasn’t originally from the Village of Mist you see, he had run away from his own village because of a war going on in there. And I’m not sure, but I think it might have been the Village of Rain. There’s always been a war in that area.”

Again, Itachi listened to me carefully. But his eyes were starting to look more and more tired, as if he really just wanted to sleep.
But I couldn’t let him fall asleep yet, I had some more healing to do at first.

We didn’t talk much after that.
I was just touching his hot skin with my healing hands, asking him how did it feel.
And he finally said he was feeling much better.

When I was sure his condition was better enough, I tucked him under some warm extra blankets, resisting the sudden urge to kiss him goodnight.
He gave me another tired smile, then closing his eyes and soon falling asleep.

And even though I was now quite tired too, I couldn’t fall asleep so easily.
I was just stuck thinking about my past, my childhood, my lost family.

Suddenly sadness was overflowing my heart.
I really missed my mother. And I missed my father too.
I even missed my stupid big brother.

Then I wondered did Itachi ever feel the same?

I almost hoped he didn’t. Because if he would start to miss all the people he had killed himself, that would be a much too heavy burden to carry all alone.
Well, maybe he didn’t miss them. Maybe he had become totally cold towards even the closest people around him…

But if he really was so cold, why was he being so nice and friendly to me?

Actually I wanted to believe I was special, the only person who was able to melt his stone-cold heart…
But honestly, I had a feeling it wasn’t anything that simple.

Itachi was a weird guy, and I still didn’t understand him.
Not that it stopped me from liking him…

I turned to look at his sleeping face.
When asleep, he didn’t look cold at all. He just looked so soft and gentle…
…Or maybe it was just my imagination going on.
But I liked looking at his sleeping face.

I stayed awake in my own bed about an hour after Itachi had fallen asleep.
The sound of rain on the windows felt calming and soothing.
I suddenly felt warm and happy inside.

Maybe life was painful… and full of tragic stories…
But it all didn’t feel so bad if you had someone to share that pain with.

Finally I fell asleep myself too, and my dreams were better than ever.
In my dream I was sleeping in the same bed with Itachi…
And I was doing something else then trying to heal him.


______________________________________________________________________________


And things will get more difficult in the next chapter…


Itachi: ….. What “something else”?
Rana: Kissing you probably. And so on.
Rachiko: Definitely so on. *Happy smile* ^^
The Silent Mind 14
Another cute chapter. This one was really nice to write. And finally we get more information about Rachiko's family.


Naruto characters (c) Masashi Kishimoto
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No worries, I’m not planning to die anytime soon. But I’ve just read a lot of books about the subject, and here’s what I’ve got so far:

 

    1)      First, face the facts, we are all going to die some day.

    2)      And, if we have an immortal soul, then dying is probably the most important moment of our life, the time we should be going back home.

    3)      For the most people, dying is very easy. Suddenly, all the pain goes away, you start feeling all peaceful and calm and then you are going up in the light. You will just let go of everything, and everything will be forgiven.

    4)      IF you are not feeling peaceful and you’re not going up in the light, don’t worry, you’re still not going to Hell. Actually, there’s no such place as Hell, it’s just a state of mind kind of thing.

    5)      The place between Earth and Heaven is called the Astral dimension. If there’s too much heavy stuff on your spirit, you might get stuck there for a while when you die.

    6)      Astral dimension is like a place reflecting things in your own mind, so if your mind is pure, it’s just pure white light etc, but if you’re too scared, it can be a scary place.

    7)      If you start hearing negative voices there,  don’t reply to them, they are NOT real creatures, just images reflected by your own fears and other negative thoughts and feelings. You might even hear a voice saying you are now going to Hell, but don’t believe it, those scary voices always just try to lie to you.

    8)      If you believe in God, angels etc. it’s not a bad idea to ask them for help. Also, if you feel like you’ve really done something wrong, just apologize. Remember, there’s no such thing as unforgivable sin, just something like unforgivable attitude. As long as you can honestly say “I’m sorry”, you haven’t gone too far to be lost.

    9)      Besides unreal voices lying to you, you might even feel someone touching you, or you might feel pain, but don’t believe too much in that either. It’s also reflections of your own fears, just more physical ones. (Yes, even the spiritual body can have “physical” feelings.)

    10)   No matter what happens, your soul is always safe and unharmed. It’s just too high up there to be damaged by anything down here. But still, if you hear voices asking you to give them  your soul, always say NO. Or don’t say anything at all.

    11)   Honestly, I don’t know how long is it possible to be stuck between the worlds, but I think time flows differently there, so it might feel shorter/longer then it really is. But it never lasts forever. That’s just impossible. Finally, you will be able to go forwards and find peace for your spirit.

    12)   No matter what happens and no matter how bad you might feel, remember that you’re never alone. There’s always somebody watching over you and trying to help you go the right way. Just try to clear your mind, forget about fear and guilt, and trust in everything good you believe in.  Remember, even your own soul is trying to show you the way home.

 

Have a safe journey and a blessed afterlife.

 

~Rananieida

 

deviantID

Rananieida
The Official Tsukuyomi Assistant
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
Finland
Who am I?

The second edition.

Actually I'm a quite serious person on the inside. Also I'm often quite sad and very lonely.
And my life has been a mess but I try not to complain about it online too much.
...Okay, my life is still quite a mess.

But my seriousness used to scare people off so I decided to learn to be more funny.
And that worked. People liked me much more that way.

So I'm always talking lightly and joking even if I feel like crap on the inside...

And nowadays I seem to be quite good in it. It's like if I can switch between my serious self and the funny mode in one second.
It's like a social role to hide behind. To protect your true self and feelings.

Also being funny keeps you sane...

At least most of the time.

So welcome to the Rana-land of surreal randomness~
We can make you both cry and laugh if we want...

But we prefer to do the last one.


~Rananieida

Current Residence: Lurking in the secret Akatsuki hideout
Favourite genre of music: Strangely cool stuff
Favourite style of art: Funny
Favourite cartoon character: Itachi Uchiha
Personal Quote: Don't worry, it's all gonna be alright.
Interests

Journal History

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:iconchikitawolf:
ChikitaWolf Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:party: Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday, Rana-chan~! :cake:
I hope you have a marvelous day! <3 <3
Reply
:iconrananieida:
Rananieida Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you Wolfyyy~! ^^

Well, I was eating chocolate cake, how bad that can be?
Reply
:iconsilverelflover1101:
silverelflover1101 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2014
Happy birthday~~
Reply
:iconrananieida:
Rananieida Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so happy somebody noticed/remembered. Thank you~! :hug:
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:icondeyonside:
DeyonSide Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thank you for the fav!Hug 2# 
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:iconrananieida:
Rananieida Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome. ^^
Reply
:iconnocturnal-boy:
Nocturnal-Boy Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2014  Student Writer
Hi hello there! I'm not sure if you remember me, but I'm Black--Jewel The one who wrote "Black Rose", a D-Gray Man fanfiction, that had a little Oc x Allen in it, this is my separate writing account btw, and I never finished that fic, aha. But, It's been a while, too long tbh So how have you been?
Reply
:iconrananieida:
Rananieida Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Well, hello there! And yes, I remember your fanfic!

I guess I'm doing quite fine. The weather here has been nice, and I've been walking outside much.
Reply
:iconnocturnal-boy:
Nocturnal-Boy Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2014  Student Writer
Ohh, that's great!! And you're on your summer break i'm assuming? 
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:iconrananieida:
Rananieida Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, it's a summer break here right now. 
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(1 Reply)
:iconqueen-of-beers:
Queen-of-Beers Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
I swear I need to catch up on your fics, I really like them and yet can't find the time to read them >.< :blush:
Reply
:iconrananieida:
Rananieida Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I understand. But I'm happy to hear you like my fics. ^^

Maybe later you'll have more time to read, I hope.
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:iconqueen-of-beers:
Queen-of-Beers Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
I definitely will! I keep them safe in my inbox ;) :glomp:
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:iconcharoi:
Charoi Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Siitä on aika kauan kun oon lukenut Sinisen lapsen, niin taidan vaan hyvällä lukea sen uusiksi jos laitat sen tänne x>
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:iconrananieida:
Rananieida Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hyvä juttu että joku lukee, täällä on nyt ollut taas aika hiljaista.
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:iconcharoi:
Charoi Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Eiköhän se tästä kohene jossain välissä x)
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:iconsessentesis:
Sessentesis Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank You for fav and comment :)
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:iconrananieida:
Rananieida Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome. ^^
Reply
:icongiadrosich:
giadrosich Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Hi, Rananieida. Thanks so much for your recent visit and the fave. It is greatly appreciated! :D
Reply
:iconrananieida:
Rananieida Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome. ^^
Reply
:iconcharoi:
Charoi Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Heei, tagasin sut [link]

Tee jos ehdit ja jaksat ^^
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:iconrananieida:
Rananieida Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ööh, en taida jaksaa, mutta kiitos kuitenkin. ^^
Reply
:icona-n-t-e-n-o-r-a:
A-n-t-e-n-o-r-A Featured By Owner May 20, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hay, You still around?
Reply
:iconrananieida:
Rananieida Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Sorry, I've been sick and still in hospital.

I hope I'll make a comeback soon.
Reply
:icona-n-t-e-n-o-r-a:
A-n-t-e-n-o-r-A Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Lol, that suckes. Hope you'll be alright :)
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